Saturday, May 30, 2015

She was just horsing around!

Unless you're new to Facebook the internet, you are bound to have seen this picture floating around.

Yep, that's me. 

Now, what I'm about to tell you may blow your mind.  Are you sitting down? Ready for this?

It was satire.

Crazy, huh? 

You can now breathe a sigh of relief that there really aren't people out there like that, right?  Well, there probably are people like that, but there's one less than you originally thought, so yay for humanity!

Now, you may be wondering who on earth could come up with something so off the wall and why? WHY would someone make something up like that? Am I right or am I right? If you're half as smart as my boyfriend, you know I'm always right ;)

Well, because I get questioned DAILY about this, I've decided to go ahead and compile a list of things most frequently asked.

1. I've read a few places that it was satire.  
Can you explain?

Sure! A lot of my friends know me as a "Facebook troll." I post things in private groups just to get a rise out of people who don't know we're joking. Sounds pretty lame, huh? Well, you try being a puppet while children hold the strings and see what little things amuse you when you have no social life.  My kids tell everyone that mommy's friends live in the computer.  Is it that obvious? I don't know where they'd come up with something so absurd!
(Believe me, there's much more to me than trolling and most people in these groups have seen a very real side of me.Surprisingly, i know when to be serious and supportive as well.)
2.  But satire is supposed to prove a point, right?


And it did.  You see, when I originally posted it, I was in a Facebook group called Mama Talk Uncensored where women there would use the excuse "my child, my choice" to justify shitty parenting.  Now, I'm usually not one to judge and I've come a really long way from when I did, but some of the things they'd say they did and call it "parenting" was downright abusive or neglectful. (By the way, if you're looking for a fun Facebook group, DO NOT go to MTU. Try Mommy Wars instead, if you think you have the backbone for it. Don't say I didn't warn you! If you're looking for something with a bunch of upright hypocritical assholes a little different vibe, try MTU)

So being an asshole troll posts happened.  The point of these satirical "troll" posts were to make these people realize how dumb they sounded.  Of course, riling people up who really believe you're serious is half the fun.

3. What was the initial reaction?

Well, most people in the group knew me already because I'm awesome from similar posts I've made so they play along. The new people are where it gets funny.  Apparently "my horse, my choice" caused a huge uproar.  Who would have thought?

4. When was the original post made?

June 30th (2014), give or take a day.  It's been less than a year and it's gotten around more than Malaysian Airlines uh, things that don't get around.

5. Have your friends and family seen it?

No, they live in a bubble. OF COURSE THEY'VE SEEN IT!  Really, who hasn't? I am from small town Texas where only recently was high speed internet discovered and we all went to school in a one room school house (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little) and yes, they have all seen it!  It's been spread all over local pages too.  I'm kinda a big deal, ya know? Really though, most of my friends are so unaware of the concept of trolling that I got messages from the majority asking me if I'd seen it and if I knew who I made mad enough to steal my pictures.

6. Were you embarrassed?

Psssh me, nah, I'm too cool to get embarrassed.  Yes, yes I was.  Within 24 hours, I had seen my post on multiple large facebook fan pages and spread to parenting groups. Within 5 days, it was on Closer Magazine's facebook page and their e-magazine. To say I was mortified is an understatement.  I quickly deactivated my page and stayed off of Facebook for about a week hoping it would blow over.

It didn't. I began getting dozens of messages daily asking me about it. I got burnt out and exhausted trying to explain what happened to everyone who asked.  Even when I'd go out into public, I felt like anyone who looked at me had seen it and was silently judging.  It was EVERYWHERE: WTF magazine, Buzzfeed, Babycenter, Facebook, local news pages, even police scanner sites.

7.  So what did you do?

I questioned myself why I was letting something get to me that I thought was hilarious just a week prior? I thought it was funny when only a thousand people had seen it, so why was it any less funny that millions had? I decided to play along and stop caring. I even made new posts pretending I had the "baby" already. 

8. How far along were you really in those pictures?

12 weeks. That part wasn't made up.  It was funny to read comments on all of the viral posts where people tried explaining to me why I looked like a beached whale I was further along.  I got everything from "twins" to "she cheated on her husband" or "she's obviously too stupid to figure out how reproduction works."

Bingo. I'm an idiot. That's totally it.

Of course there were some people who gave me hope for humanity with their comments on how it had to be fake because the grammar and syntax were too good haha!

But yes, 12 weeks on the dot when I took the picture at the end of June, which gave me a due date of January 15th.

9.  So, uh...are you sure you didn't really do it?


Of course not, why would you even ask that!?  When I make troll posts, I come up with the most off the wall topics I can think of, and then just to be sure that I can prove it was made up, I make the facts impossible.  1. There was no "husband." I was a promiscuous hussy having premarital sex not married at the time.  2. I don't own a horse, never have owned a horse.  To be honest, I'm TERRIFIED of horses.  Don't get me wrong; they're beautiful creatures and all, but just don't let them get close to me.  Oh and 3. Big shocker here: I'm not dumb enough to believe that a human and an animal could ever procreate; I know how reproduction works.  I'm obviously quite good at it since this was baby #4 ;)

10.  Do you regret it?

Yes. So very much. I regret that I took the picture looking like a mess in my pj's. I regret that my hair was thrown up in a messy bun to avoid the back-splash of 2 am morning sickness vomit. I regret that I didn't smile. I mean, just look at that picture.  Had I gotten the chance to do it all over again, knowing that it would go viral, I would have at least dolled myself up a bit and looked good for the world.

Seriously though, no, I don't regret it. The post was hilarious.  It's a great conversation starter and not many people can say that they "punk'd" the world.  Take that Ashton Kutcher!

11. But what if your kids see it?

Then uhhhh, they see it? So what? I'm not quite sure why so many people ask this.  Growing up in this house, my kids are bound to have the same sense of humor as I do, or at least they better if they want to survive their teen years. They've already got sarcasm down and are witty to boot!  I'm pretty sure I know them better than anyone on the internet and believe me, they'll fare just fine when they find out about it.  

I am actually kind of looking forward to them being old enough that we can laugh together and I can tell them the REAL reason Bob and I nicknamed their baby brother "foalie." 

*Bonus question*

What do you mean by "no judging especially if you live in Arkansas?"

If you haven't figured that one out yet, then you're on your own!  I will admit that I got a kick out of how many people got upset about that line.

So, without further ado, I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family:

Cohen Grey 
born in the stable shower at home January 18th, 2015

He's quite the handsome man for being a hybrid, huh?

Okay, really though...


  1. I remember when all that happened. I can't believe you still get asked about it! But glad you're taking it all in stride :)

  2. You have MY sense of humor! Keep it up! And congratulations on a BEAUTIFUL "foalie", I mean baby boy! And my nickname says it all ...

  3. I like your style. Beautiful baby, congratulations! x

  4. He is beautiful - congratulations! :)

  5. OMgosh, really, seriously! I cant believe this crap! R U kidding me? This is like my 4th time trying to comment on you post or blog! So Im sorry if the following has lost some pizazz. At first you had me going. I was omgosh, r u kidding me, what, why, why why???? Then I read on and I laughed my frigen ass off! I would like to marry you and raise a petting zoo with you. However we would have to swing with a herd of cattle due to the fact that I am a woman. You will also have to be the one to get preggers due to the fact that I am far too old to be carrying a calf.(sorry, I was just interrupted by my 2yr old because my husband who is off today cant understand the concept of feeding my 2yr old, btw I need this outlet in my life, this trolling thing you do) Where was i, oh yes, you getting preggers. Yes you will have to. We dont want to be dealing with a high risk pregnancy, am I right or am I right girlfriend! Okay, okay, so I will FB message you on where we can meet up later for sum fun luvin! I am so going to those sites you warned not to go to! I cant wait! Let nap time come soon today, ma ma has a date with the we do everything right and you dont bitches! Mwa xoxo PS this better frigen post! If it doesnt Im giving up :(