Friday, February 24, 2012

Not again!!

I always do this.

EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT.

When the kids go to bed, I always fall asleep on the couch with Kaylee, trying to get her to sleep. Without feeding the dogs, without cleaning up dinner, without locking the doors...ughhhh. I wake up around midnight, and there is no way I am going to go to bed without doing all of those things, and after 30 minutes pass, I'm just not tired anymore. It's a vicious cycle and I really should work harder to break it because it is now almost 3 am and guess what??

Still not tired.

But hey, what do you know? It is a perfect time for blogging! ;)

We finally got a call back from Dr. Corrigan with Kaylee's pulse ox test. He asked me how she did during the test, if she appeared to be in any distress etc. The thing is, she seemed completely fine, no gasping for air, a little bit of sleep apnea, but nothing too alarming. This wasn't what he wanted to hear. With Kaylee's night time oxygen levels so low, he wanted answers...he wanted to hear that she was having trouble breathing, because then it would be easier to find out why...but the problem is, there is NOTHING wrong.

So then why does she not get enough oxygen at night? He was baffled. That was definitely not the answer I wanted. I have been waiting nearly 2 weeks to figure out what was going on, so getting a call at 6pm to say "I am concerned because her sats are lower than 90% the entire night and I have no idea why" is pretty disappointing. How am I supposed to do my job as a mom and protect her, when we have no idea what is wrong with her? And how could she have possibly had this, whatever "this" is, since she was born and I had no idea? Mom fail.

Little things are starting to come together though, and who knows if they are relevant, only time will tell. For example, the fact that she has always seemed tired, even after just waking up from a nap, or the fact that she can't sleep more than a few hours straight without waking up and needing to sit up and move around. Could these possibly be clues? Am I overanalyzing things? I am pretty notorious for that.

So what now?

We wait.

We talked about sleep studies. He said he hasn't had to ever refer anyone out for a sleep study at her age but it looks like an appropriate next step. We talked about a pulmonologist referral. He wants to see her next week and then we will decide for sure what an appropriate course of action would be. He is also going to call the respiratory therapist and set up a more extensive pulse ox test...whatever that means.

So we wait.

I am NOT good at waiting.

I am probably the most impatient person I know. When I want answers, I want answers now. The past 4 months, I have come to realize you don't just get everything you want.

So we wait.

I really don't want to go through this alone, even if it turns out to be nothing. I hate being alone. And I hate waiting. I've also realized that God doesn't just give you a break because He thinks you've had enough...otherwise I would have had a break many months ago. What He does do is promise is to be with you always, through all of the trials and tribulatons...and you know what? That's good enough for me.

Completely off topic while I am thinking about it, Avery finished her book in AWANA. It is so refreshing to see her memorizing verse after verse of the Bible, it's even better when she knows exactly what she means and believes every word. We've talked briefly about baptism and I think she's almost ready.

One of her most recent verses is very fitting for what is going on with Kaylee, with Dan...and just life in general.

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